No, sir. Excuse ME.

I was on a first date. We went to a hip Asian fusion restaurant. After lots of conversation and stuffing ourselves with yummy spicy food, we went to leave. I saw a man behind us chatting on his cell phone, presumably stepping outside so as not to bother his companions with his personal conversation, but I was wrong. Just as The Date and I opened to door to leave, the man asked the person he was on the phone with to hold on and said "Excuse me" to get our attention. We turned around and the conversation went a little something like this: Man: Hi. Are you all with each other? Me: Um, what do you mean? Man: Like, are you all...together? Me: Do you mean together with a capital T? Man: Yes. Me: Well...we are on a date. Why do you ask? Man: Oh. Well, I was going to ask if I could stare at your breasts. [FOLKS, I AM NOT FUCKING KIDDING HERE. THIS IS VERBATIM FROM DUDE'S MOUTH.] Me: [covering my cleavage with my hands] Well, you wouldn't have been able to anyway. Dude literally chased me out of the restaurant to ask if we were together. And then proceeded to admit that he wanted to ogle my tits! Mister Man felt the need to inform me that he had plans to eye my rack. Well, sir, I have something to say to you: Tara Ellison Washington D.C.