Perverted Asshat on the Telephone

Let me start by saying that I am a native of both Dublin and London. I am used to the leers and hoots of random perverted jackasses from pubs as they glug beer and watch the footie game on the television. But since I moved to New York City in July 2005, at the age of seventeen, I can honestly say I've encountered more lewd fuckwits in one thirteen mile long city in one year than you can shake a stick at. My favourite has to be the asshole who phoned me the other day. I do not have caller ID (but you can be damn sure I'm having it installed ASAP, after this incident). Our conversation goes a bit like this: *phone rings* Me: Hello? *panting and crashing from other end* Me: Hello? Random fuckwit: Hey, sexy. Me: Who is this? Random fuckwit: Your stallion. Rawr (I wish I could say I was joking) Me: Stallions don't rawr. Who are you, and why are you phoning me? Random fuckwit: *in ridiculous, downright embarassing attempt of a proper English accent: Are you British, mate? Me: Yes, *mate*, and I'm about to hang up. Bye now. Random fuckwit: Do you mind if I jack off? Me: Be my guest. *slam phone down* As much as I love being accosted by some asshat on the phone, I think I'd be an idiot if I didn't share this with the rest of the world. Enjoy, ladies, and keep yourselves safe. And Mr. Fuckwit, wherever you are: get a new hobby. Submitted by Rory